Tight

I have always held things tightly. When I was little learning how to write, making scrawling marks with my pencil, I would hold my pencil too tight. My mother would come up behind me when I wasn't looking and try to snatch my pencil out of my hand. Generally, it wouldn't slip out easily like it should but she would have to pull.

I still hold my pencil tight. My knitting suffers because my tight grip on the needles results in stitches that are difficult to push the needles through and I have to start over, practicing letting my fingers relax and let the yarn pass through my fingers. My hands also throughout the years have held relationships too tight, the ones that I think that can get me the most, make me happy I hold with a vice like grip. Using my pens to write, my needles to knit or sew, spending as much time on relationships (the ones that I think can get me the most happiness). Using them and holding tight till my hands hurt from the strain, reminding me to loosen up.

I wish I would learn to loosen and let God.

Let God direct my pen as he guides it across the page.

Let God as I trust him with my relationships because only He can fill me.

I don't want my hands to hurt. I want to hold, but hold onto God. I want to write but let God do the writing. I want to knit but let God guide my stitches. To hold loosely onto my life because life is a breath. Its going to pass through my fingers no matter how hard I grasp it. 

"So Lord, let me relax. Let me, let you guide my life as I sit back and feel the softness, the rough edges knowing that the velvet, the colors, the brittle, the dull can only come through my hands after they come through yours. Knowing that only you can satisfy my whole being and that everything else is a gift."