Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Gift

I was feeling pretty down.

The realization that I was gonna be away from my family and boyfriend and friends for a long time was setting in.

I was with a family that I loved dearly but it wasn't my family. Not my family....and I was totally out of my element away from everything was familiar. I was tired.

As I read my sister's blog post about how she missed me, I broke down in tears.

"God I can't do this anymore."

"Why do you have me here?"

"Is what I am doing worth it?"

I laid my head on the kitchen table and let myself cry. I knew I needed to. I knew I needed to work through the pain of missing my home.

To help with the pain I started to sing,

"My child are you discouraged by the sorrows of the day?
Does it seem like life is crumbling? The skies have turned to grey.
Don't forget I gave you promises to guide you every hour.
In the moment of your heartbreak let me show you my great power.

And I will your shield when the battle rages on.
And I will be your light when the way ahead is dark.
I will be your strong tower, and guide you every hour.
Just place your life completely in my hands

I know it won't be easy I never said it would,
but my grace will always be there, my plans for you are good.
Remember that your weaknesses are perfect in my sight,
only when you yield them to me, can I turn them into might!"

And I will be your shield when the battle rage on,
And I will your light, when the way ahead is dark,
I will your strong tower and guide you every hour,
Just place your life completely in my hands.

And some day you will understand, why I sent this trial,
And someday you will see the end, and know its all worth while!"

As I sang this song and was reminded that God is always with me, He will never let me go, I went to go sit up on the window seat, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a white BMW beetle. My boyfriend and I used to always play a game called "slug bug" and every time we saw one, we would tell each other "slug bug!". When we were driving together instead of slugging each other like most couples do, we instead would hit the ceiling. Needless to say it was a fun game that we played endlessly and we hoped to continue it while we were apart, but slug bugs are very very scarce in my area. I had thought I would have to resort to telling him everytime I saw a Ford...but that is no fun. Anyways enough with the back story. I think you get the point, slug bugs are a huge memory for me.

So I saw the slug bug and with it came surprise, joy and memories of last summer's slug bugging.

I realized that God had given me a gift. A gift saying "I love you" and "Its gonna be o.k."

Needless to say its amazing how one little white beetle can make my day :) :) :)